Blog posts are a lot of work. They require time for research where needed, time to write, time to create, edit and design images. I’ve got pages of post ideas written down in my bullet journal. You have not read them because as a mother of 2 with a daycare and running the house, all while trying to stay as healthy as possible with lupus, I quite frankly didn’t have the time to write 2,000 words plus all the extra work. Since my last post, there have been a ton of things I wanted to shout out to the blogiverse but I haven’t, because I needed to put in the time.
I recently found a few bloggers who have been doing short posts — I found myself entranced, drawn into reading more and more of these posts because they were so short and sweet, that you kept telling yourself, “just one more.” I loved it! So here we are, in this brand new series.
My Little Musings is not intended to be informative. It’s not going to involve much research if any. They will mostly be random thoughts and I hope that some of my thoughts will ring true in you as well.
Who has the time?
For my first little musing, I would like to talk about dreams going unfulfilled. I will openly admit to the public here that I get a million ideas a day. They never go anywhere. They stay inside my head. I will get a fabulous idea of something I could use to start a business, a niche I can appeal to. I’ll think in bed about everything I can do to get it off the ground and then the next morning it’s forgotten. Yes, I have this bullet journal and it’s fabulous and I have been doing more mind maps than ever before but I can’t tell you how many ideas that have come into my thoughts and disappeared just as quickly after. I find it infuriating and I’m later filled with regret, disappointment and sometimes guilt. I’m not going to say I’m lazy. My day begins when my boys get up at 6am, I scramble to get them changed, fed, get hubby’s breakfast and lunch packed up, get myself changed and some last minute tidying before daycare opens at 7:30am. I’m open for 10 hours from Monday to Friday and I end those 10 hours basically scrambling to get dinner on the table because if I don’t, the kids will wind up eating RIGHT before dinner. By the time I get the kids in bed, I’m so damn tired that I just sit my ass on the couch. I should be going to bed, but those 2 hours between are my only moments of alone time. Of quiet. Of peace… of sanity. I really NEED those 2 hours.
I always try to tell myself I’ve got my shit together, and realistically under the circumstances, I do believe I’ve got it as together as possible but when I think about all those lost ideas, all those times that could have spent doing something more productive, quite frankly it makes me feel like shit!
This meme you see here pretty much sums up how I feel for most of the day. It’s memes like this that bring out my oh-so-lovely laugh with the snorts and all that embarrassing stuff because I probably think this is funnier than it actually is. I love this. This. Is. Me. Belle was my favourite growing up because I loved to read and I always wanted “more than this provincial life.” And I still do. But until I TRULY get the rest of my shit together, I’ll always be this crazy egg lady. I’m learning to be okay with that, but I’ll always have the ideas and always have the passion. Maybe it’s lupus, maybe it’s the exhaustion of being a mom or a daycare provider, or maybe I really am just lazy but I’ll keep doing little things in the background towards a goal that I hope will eventually come to fruition.
I can’t be the only one who feels this way.